Take the pee test

Isn't it puzzling how certain wingnuts can believe that Hillary murdered Vince Foster (three federal investigations notwithstanding) and still maintain (to name just one example) that Tom Delay is innocent?

There's a book called "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining". That's actually an interesting metaphor for illustrating this kind of self-willed explanatory universe.

Let's assume that Wingnut A is in the same state as Bill Clinton, in a thunderstorm during a summer heatwave, utterly alone on a vast parking lot devoid of shelter, when warm liquid strikes him.

Clearly, Bill Clinton has just peed on his leg. Proof of the contrary will require at least two separate chemical analyses of the leg in question, video footage of the President hundreds of miles away attending a football game or other mass event, and several subpoenas of the teams playing. Of course, if, say, an obscure lifetime R (wearing a t-shirt that says "I don't mind lying if it's about liberals") is there and claims not to have seen Clinton (even if he's seen on tape shaking his hand), it means Bill Clinton could very well have peed on wingnut A's leg. Ya never know.

Wingnut B, meanwhile, is shackled to a urinal in an Alaskan meat warehouse. Dick Cheney steps up and unzips, prompting wingnut B's wife, mother and children to scream "Dick Cheney is peeing on you!" as a splash of warm, steaming liquid hits him in the face. The scene is replayed on the large video screen across from the urinal and simulcast across the internet and onto every electronic billboard in the world.

Wingnut B will claim until his dying day that the liquid was cool, probably condensation originating in the air-conditioning required in sub-tropical Alaska. Reports to the contrary from the communist-tool wife, mother and children must be bias planted in their head by the liberal media. And that video footage showing Dick whipping it out and letting loose, right in Wingnut B's face? Dan Rather staged that.

That's basically how it works.