Speak, television
Sometimes, TV advertising is the most amusing thing on the boob tube. This household has perfected the art of talking back to and answering advertising - specifically the really insipid kind that starts out with a probing question.
Q: "Why do I use Neosporin ?"
A: "I don't know. Are you perhaps, just off-camera, covered in scales?"
Q: "How important is it to have the whitest white you can?"
A: "Not nearly important enough to spend another thirty seconds watching you dance orgasmically around a box of detergent, frankly."
Q: "What makes Fruit 2 O the ideal water?"
A: "That when you drink it, half-naked, young and toned people magically appear and act as if they're at an Ibiza shower/disco/sex orgy/dance party to which you too might be allowed entry with a proof of purchase?"
Q: "Wow - did you get that entrée with two delicious sides at a casual dining restaurant?"
A: "I'm uncertain, because outside of your client's marketing department, nobody has ever employed the term 'casual dining restaurant' in the entire recorded history of the language, and I'm thus not quite sure what you mean, you pretentious, ill-mannered, mealy-mouthed corporate twat."
Of course, this louche and uncivilized habit of stating commercials with stupid questions is by now quite ingrained; and if I look at the actual television entertainment being offered - "Deal or No Deal" is surely a sign of advanced civilizational rot - it may no longer matter so much.
Q: "Why do I use Neosporin ?"
A: "I don't know. Are you perhaps, just off-camera, covered in scales?"
Q: "How important is it to have the whitest white you can?"
A: "Not nearly important enough to spend another thirty seconds watching you dance orgasmically around a box of detergent, frankly."
Q: "What makes Fruit 2 O the ideal water?"
A: "That when you drink it, half-naked, young and toned people magically appear and act as if they're at an Ibiza shower/disco/sex orgy/dance party to which you too might be allowed entry with a proof of purchase?"
Q: "Wow - did you get that entrée with two delicious sides at a casual dining restaurant?"
A: "I'm uncertain, because outside of your client's marketing department, nobody has ever employed the term 'casual dining restaurant' in the entire recorded history of the language, and I'm thus not quite sure what you mean, you pretentious, ill-mannered, mealy-mouthed corporate twat."
Of course, this louche and uncivilized habit of stating commercials with stupid questions is by now quite ingrained; and if I look at the actual television entertainment being offered - "Deal or No Deal" is surely a sign of advanced civilizational rot - it may no longer matter so much.
posted by Michael at 9:00 PM
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