Rednecks

Question: What do you call the sight of a plumber under the sink with his pants creeping down, exposing his crack?
Answer: Redneck Cleavage.

Question: How long does it takes a redneck to eat road kill?
Answer: It depends on how heavy the traffic is.

Question: What are the last words of a redneck?
Answer: "Hey y'all check this out!"

Question: How can you tell if you're staying in a redneck motel?
Answer: You know you're staying in a redneck motel, when you call up the front desk to say you gotta leak in the sink, and the guy says, "Go ahead."

Question: How do you recognize an real Redneck?
Answer: You look up his family tree and most of them are still in it!!

Question: What do you call a Tennessee Redneck with 6 sheep?
Answer: A pimp.

Question: Why are Appalachian sheep so scared?
Answer: Because the local Rednecks have velcro gloves.

Question: Why do Rednecks curl their cowboy hats up at the sides?
Answer: So they can fit three abreast in a pickup.

Question: How do you tell if your redneck date is ugly?
Answer: Your dog humps him/her with his eyes shut.

Question: What does a redneck chick say after sex?
Answer: Get off me daddy, your crushing my smokes!

Question: What does a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?
Answer: One way or the other someone is losing their trailer!

Question: Why do they throw shit on the walls at rednack weddings?
Answer: To keep the flies off the bride!

Question: How do you circumsize a redneck?
Answer: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Question: What is the redneck definition of sexual maturity?
Answer: An eight year old girl who can run faster than her brothers.

Question: What's the redneck motto for sexual maturity?
Answer: After eight it's too late.

Question: What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
Answer: A northern fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time. . . " A southern fairy tale begins with, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this . . . "

Question: What does a redneck do when his truck breaks down?
Answer: He builds a house beside it.

Question: What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are having sex?
Answer: Relative humidity.

Question: What does a redneck call hitting a deer at 65 mph?
Answer: Fast food.

Question: Who was the first redneck in the Bible?
Answer: Cain; he married his sister.

Question: How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?
Answer: Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.

Question: How can you tell if a real redneck is married?
Answer: There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

Question: What do you call a room full of redneck women?
Answer: A full set of teeth!

Question: How can you tell a rich redneck from a poor redneck?
Answer: The rich redneck has two cars up on blocks in the yard.

Redneck personal hygiene

• Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
• If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
• While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
• Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours. Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.
• Going without underwear is NOT an option.
• Dab a little perfume here and there.
• Once every month take the kids out to the back yard so pa can hose them down.
• Both of your socks should always be the same color, or they should at least both be fairly dark.
• Remember, the cleanest kid goes in the tub first.