Stalin for President!

New York (AP), November 11th - Stalin the Shark, a New York City blogger and stuffed plush toy, today announced his candidacy for the Presidency, after a bipartisan call for him to do so.

"So what if there's no election scheduled? Do you really want to burden the American people with the slobbering idiot who's in there now, huh?", remarked the candidate at his first press conference.

"Face it: everybody hates Bush. I suspect even Bush hates Bush. As I read on a blog recently, only four in ten people think he's an acceptable human being. Those four people should be found, and quickly, so the rest of us can go on with our lives. This is why I am running."

There was no immediate comment from the office of New York's junior - yes, junior, Hillary, goddammit - Senator, who is widely assumed to seek the Presidency herself after she crushes whomever the other party nominates to oppose her in the fall of 2006. Passers-by at her midtown office did notice a piercing wail shortly after the announcement; similar occurences were reported in Washington, where presumptive candidate Rick Santorum was seen sobbing in a hallway, crouched in the fetal position, although such despair could also be caused by a look at his poll numbers.