'Twas the night before Fitzmas....

[Slightly edited version of original]

Twas the night before Fitzmas and in the White House
Not a creature was stirring, not even a louse
Traitors were cowering under their beds with a scare
For fear that jolly St. Fitz soon would be there

McClellan was weeping, wishing for death
Grabbed the sweet crack pipe, thank god there's meth
Rove in his diaper and Gannon's hard loins
Had just settled down for a last grind of the groins

When out in the city there arose such a clatter
Wingnuts began to howl, froth, and chatter
For as sure as Santorum is mad as a hatter
They knew damn well just what was the matter

They scampered, they scuttled, trying to vanish
There was nowhere to run, hide, no palms left to polish
What did their terrified ears then suddenly hear?
But a man burst inside and yell, "Bitches, your daddy is here!"

"This is mean", they squawked, "In fact, it's the pits!"
They knew at a glance it must be St. Fitz
More rapid than eagles his subpoenas came
He bellowed and shouted and called them by name

"Now Condi, now Hannah, now Bolton, now Hadley!"
"Now Timmy, now Novak, now Judy, now Libby!"
"Come Karl, come Ari, come Card and come Scotty!"
"Come one and all, come Bush and come Cheney!"

"You thought you could duck this" he said with a roar
"You're all traitors, you bitches, that and much more!"
He took statements galore, questioned and probed
The lies, the spin, were flushed out, disrobed

Finally he finished and looked each in the eye
"You're all lying scum, get ready to fry"
Then he turned on his heel and began to walk out
When over his shoulder they all heard him shout

"I'm coming for you, I can't be stopped"
"The law has caught you, now here's a last thought"
He turned to face them and his eye gleamed with light
"Merry Fitzmas to all, TIME TO FUCKING INDICT!"