Stalin nominated for the Supreme Court

NEW YORK (AP) - October 6, 2005

Stalin the Shark, a New York City blogger and stuffed plush toy, today nominated himself to fill the Supreme Court seat of retiring Justice Sandra Day O'Connor.

"I would point out that the bar for qualifications has been set at about floor height with the nomination of crony Harriet Miers, which makes the nomination of a stuffed toy appear eminently reasonable", said the irascible fish this morning to a crowd of reporters.

"The simple fact is that reactionary, America-hating totalitarians already despise Miers for not being a known, mouth-breathing neanderthal like themselves. The forces of freedom, meanwhile, hate her because she's so closely tied to Dear Leader. So why not have a good, solid, smart liberal like me, who can at least win the support of the normal people?"

Reaction from Washington to this surprise nomination was mixed. Loathsome majority leader Bill Frist - a known enemy of Stalin the Shark - declined to comment, citing an ongoing SEC investigation into his sleazy corruption. The White House similarly declined to comment, given the concerns about indictments at the highest levels of the neo-con junta. Spokespoodle Scott McClellan visibly blanched and proceeded to scurry quickly out of the briefing room upon the entry of a reporter who looked surprisingly like special prosecutor Fitzgerald, leaving only a high-pitched whine in his wake and effectively ending the press conference.

Asked to comment about his lack of any discernible legal background, the scarlet ichtypod merely scoffed. "Listen, I've never been a judge - neither has that Harriet woman. I have qualifications she doesn't have, notably the absence of any desire to crawl into George Bush's ass. That should be enough."

The nomination was met with raucous applause amongst the defenders of the American Way against right-wing extremism, corruption and cronyism. The Democratic Senate caucus - which by the way received more votes than their Bushevik enemies across the aisle - is preparing to receive Stalin the Shark this morning with a Champagne breakfast. In another poke in the eye of the demagogic fringe, the Champagne will be French.