Stalin takes a bath

Could someone please call the ACLU and let them know about the outrageous tyranny under which I am expected to live?

No, I'm not referring to the ancien régime in Washington, or even to Mssrs. Pataki and Bloomberg, respectively; I am speaking, of course, of the baleful, malevolent household despotism whcih thinks nothing of infringing my rights as a shark, not to mention my personal dignity.

Witness their detestable cruelties in the accompanying photo. Tell me: when was the last time you saw a shark in soap suds?

[Note from Stalin's daddy: Stalin, behave. You are not "acquiring patina", you are getting dirty. We're not red-staters, so you're expected to maintain certain minimum standards of hygiene, and that includes not being as grubby as you were after your exploits in the subway and at City Hall. As far as I'm concerned, everyone should shower after returning from either, and you will too. No, this is not comparable to you being sent to Guantanamo Bay. No, we do not embrace the methods used by the Gonzalez Justice Department in this household. No, bathing does not constitute "cruel and unusual punishment" under the 8th Amendment. And you should be glad we're even speaking to you after yesterday's incident at the theater.]

Harumph. So now my posts are being censored by my daddies, too? Get away from me, you soap-wielding traitor. And you will not come near me with that blow-dryer if you expect to retain your fingers.