Stalin mans the ramparts, prepares to receive champagne-guzzling minnow

All right, blue shark - or shall I call you minnow, hah? - bring it on.

After the recent declaration of hostile intent and the consumption of vital resources - a bottle of champagne was recently consumed by parties unknown, though suspected - Stalin has fortified key strategic points around the apartment and recruited allies to aid in the common defense. The heart-breaking loss of Veuve Cliquot on 8/24 has roused our apartment from slumber - and you are either with us or with the champagne-guzzling blue shark.


We will not allow our way of life to be threatened. Stalin has taken special measures to protect the remaining vital resources - more champagne, Brie, Pesto, and our precious reserves of canned tuna - by moving them to an undisclosed location.

Since the threat seems to originate in Vermont, we're taking a cue from Dear Leader and preparing to send forces to Tennessee. Vermont has little of what we need, you see, while Tennessee makes some mean bourbon. Besides, we find the (R) régime there distasteful, specifically Bill Frist, who must be removed for the sake of humanity.

In this epic battle of good versus evil, we are determined to prevail. We will protect our home apartment, make no mistake. And if we take out Bill Frist, so much the better. In fact, we suspect blue shark and Frist are working closely together, and that Frist is behind the vicious attack on our Veuve. Damn him!