Your questions about my sexuality, answered

Some people, usually the ones who do not know me too well, like to speculate about my sexuality. This is somewhat irritating, especially coming from people who think I'm a republican and therefore automatically assume I must be a wife-beater with a pre-teen mistress chained to the gun rack in the basement and personal ads on some perv web site. I mean, do I look like Jerry Falwell?

First off, I am not gay, unlike my two daddies, who are utter, complete, if-it's-tight-wear-it 'mos. Nor, for that matter, am I straight, either.

Confused yet?

The answer is simple, and you can see it's true from the photo. I am a plush shark, and couldn't care less about whatever off-beat things all you people seem so interested in. Hey - I don't even have any of the required organs, for crying out loud. You could lock me and SpongeBob in an Acapulco cabana for two weeks, and what would happen? Nothing - because we're toys. And frankly, us toys are not interested in rubbing our sweaty bodies together and acting all weird - we've seen the Paris Hilton video, and it frightens us.

So there you have it. I am plushosexual, which is to say, I enjoy having my tummy rubbed in a certain way by anyone who feels thusly inclined, but, lacking the proper equipment, there's really nothing all-too trashy I could possibly do beyond that. And from what I've seen on TV, I don't think I'm missing that much.